This is why you’re so chaotically horny in quarantine
Of all the unexpected side effects of lockdown (national sourdough obsession, escalating pass-agg fights with your neighbours over who can clap for health workers the longest with their chapped dehydrated over-washed hands, old people becoming famous for walking laps around their gardens) the most interesting is how chaotically horny we’re all becoming.
Yes, okay, horniness was probably expected. After all, the government have advised all couples who don’t live together to stay apart for the foreseeable, and without the ability to date or get pissed and hook up with strangers after nights out, our sex lives have collectively lost their usual outlets. The horniness is easy to explain. The chaos with which that horniness is manifesting, that’s something else entirely…